whatever

[keiliss]

I don't know what the requestor of the JinJ fic I'm writing had in mind, but whatever it was probably isn't what they'll be getting *grins*. I hope, whoever you are, that you'll forgive me the self indulgence, because I am presently having such an awesomely good time with it.

For the last few months the magic simply hasn't been there. Writing became something I had to force out... it evaded me, hid in corners, challenged me. I started wondering if it was possible to just 'forget' how to do something I had done and loved most of my life. As a teenager, back in the Dark Ages, I used to sit up till all hours writing (rather bad) science fiction. I loved doing it. Even the times when I got stuck and spent days trying to dig out of a hole were good in their way, more challenging than upsetting. Writing fanfiction was like that, too, until recently.

Of the last fic I was posting - all two chapters so far - I have the outline of a story I would love to read (which is what normally makes me write something) and I have another two chapters to post, both betad, the other needing a lot of tweaking. I battled to write them. I struggled to find words, to explain concepts. My characters, people I know, lay flat on the page, so much so that even I didn't care what happened to them. Compared to the first two chapters - one of which was written months ago - these are a disaster, some of the absolute worst writing I have ever done. I'm sure I did better at 16.

And then I sat down to try and write a short piece in response to a post Kenaz made about writing, and an E/G PWP just 'happened' (it actually had a plot for me, because I know the back story). I didn't force a single word, it flowed out, it was joy to write. I had a feeling that I hadn't experienced in months - I knew it worked! It grew, was betad and posted in a matter of an evening. I've always had the, probably undisciplined, attitude to writing that if I'm still struggling to connect after a page, I usually know it's not going to work and leave it. I think I've only ever posted one thing I genuinely didn't like. And yet, that was what I had been trying to do... force something.

I think my muses are trying to tell me - gently but firmly -- to put the story (currently referred to as the 'Evil Glorfindel Fic' on account of the trouble it's given me) aside for a while, till I can hear its true voice, and meanwhile just write whatever calls me. I've never left a story unfinished before and it feels strange, but working on the swap fic makes it clear that something is not right there. It's perhaps better to let it sit for a while until I can go back and do justice to the long, involved story it will eventually grow into.

So - to take this full circle. The swap fic is growing. It's currently at 4 120 words and is half way, but there will be a lot of editing so it's probably going to end up around my usual 5 000 word average - I assume. I have no idea who the pairing really is, I have no idea how it's all going to end up, but I am grabbing every available moment to keep adding to it, even if it's only five or six hundred words at a time. My hobby has stopped being a chore and has become a pleasure again.

Whoever requested this - thank you. It's been good for me, and I hope it turns out to be something you'll enjoy :)

Comments

[chaotic-binky.livejournal.com]

I am sure the requester will love it!

Mine was very hard to write - they wanted angst - not sure if they got as much as they wanted but it is a good fic.

Evil Glorfindel? cool!!! Hope you pick it back up someday.

Good luck with the rest of the story Hugs Binky x

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

Thanks love *hugs* I'm sure your story is great! I'm never clear what people want when they say 'angst'... slow torture? assorted mental anguish? unrequited love? writst slitting misery?

Reading back - that doesn't sound too bad really.

[aglarien1.livejournal.com]

Good for you, hon! I had a ball writing the first part of mine - loads of fun - but now I'm in the "I'm stuck" stage. *sigh* Back to it....

**hugs**

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

That 'I'm stuck" thing? That's just the muses reminding you not to take them for granted. They're a bit like cats - like to remind us who's in charge.

Hope it's going well now. Still plenty of time :)

*hugs*

[erviniae.livejournal.com]

Ya know, I think you hit it on the head. I have always written since a teen as well and when my marriage was going downhill and I was very unhappy, I wrote every night as a way to escape my life with him.

I think we need to just flow out from the heart, and not worry so much about all the other things, like grammar, etc...Stephen King said that as well in his book "on Writing" He said to let it just come out and worry about fixing it up later. Wise words.

I am glad you are enjoying writing your JIJ. Mine is definately a challenge for me.

Best of luck with it, Kei.
*hugs*

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, that's exactly right...just let it flow, watch the story unfold, enjoy the process. The E/G was like that - I wrote to find out what happened next. Same applies to the JinJ fic. I suppose it's all part of that unending learning curve... write what you love, write it for yourself and the rest follows?

I see from yesterday's post that your fic is finally moving along fast. Funny how that happens, isn't it? You struggle away and suddenly it's like a light goes on and it's worth all the hair-tearing *smiles*.

Luck to you, dear... thanks so much for sharing *hugs*

[ford-of-bruinen.livejournal.com]

Wow it really started flowing for you didn't it?! I am glad and impressed! (and jealous).

Good luck with it dear and I am looking forward to reading it as always

*hugs*

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

Yours will be wonderful - as ever!

Thank you for suggesting the... disaster. It made a good starting point *hugs*. Took a couple of days for the 'what and why' to gel, but once it did... I need to just pull back slightly now - I'm getting a bit too carried away with a side thread that's not totally relevant to the story. *goes back to play*.

(((HUGS)))

[larianelensar.livejournal.com]

I do think there's a point where we get in our own way. It has to be 'just right' or we don't know when to stop researching and start writing, or we let one scene or spot stop us from writing over it ...skipping the troubled scene might be easier, but you just can't do it, so you do nothing. (That's you as in a collective you). That's one reason I like challenges and swaps...I'm not sure I've ever written a fic that didn't have a challenge or swap behind it. I can choose to write that story instead of *having* to write something because...well, because I think I must.

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

Ooh yes, that's it - 'we get in our own way'...that pretty much sums it up, lol. I think I felt I 'had' to write my next long fic and seriously overthought it. Facts had to be triple checked, phrasing needed to be exact, spontaneity went out the window... I lost the characters, I lost the story - when I looked at it I just saw a morass of words. Never, ever again! Was a bit like beating my head against a brick wall - some things just can't be forced.

There need to be more swaps and challenges, btw - you don't write nearly often enough :|

*discovers there are no pink icons loaded - uploads one, uses*

[verayelwe.livejournal.com]

Sounds really good to me!
I'm myself still struggling with the muses - I'm over 4000 words, but still not matching the request - gah!
Though I do like it so far ...
Hope to get some inspiration soon.
*hugs*

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

I'd rather get a fic the writer enjoyed working on (even if it didn't quite fit my request) than something that had obviously been a chore and a battle. I'm sure yours is going to be great :)

And there is no greater inspiration than a looming deadline *grins*

*hugs*