whatever

[keiliss]

I don't know what the requestor of the JinJ fic I'm writing had in mind, but whatever it was probably isn't what they'll be getting *grins*. I hope, whoever you are, that you'll forgive me the self indulgence, because I am presently having such an awesomely good time with it.

For the last few months the magic simply hasn't been there. Writing became something I had to force out... it evaded me, hid in corners, challenged me. I started wondering if it was possible to just 'forget' how to do something I had done and loved most of my life. As a teenager, back in the Dark Ages, I used to sit up till all hours writing (rather bad) science fiction. I loved doing it. Even the times when I got stuck and spent days trying to dig out of a hole were good in their way, more challenging than upsetting. Writing fanfiction was like that, too, until recently.

Of the last fic I was posting - all two chapters so far - I have the outline of a story I would love to read (which is what normally makes me write something) and I have another two chapters to post, both betad, the other needing a lot of tweaking. I battled to write them. I struggled to find words, to explain concepts. My characters, people I know, lay flat on the page, so much so that even I didn't care what happened to them. Compared to the first two chapters - one of which was written months ago - these are a disaster, some of the absolute worst writing I have ever done. I'm sure I did better at 16.

And then I sat down to try and write a short piece in response to a post Kenaz made about writing, and an E/G PWP just 'happened' (it actually had a plot for me, because I know the back story). I didn't force a single word, it flowed out, it was joy to write. I had a feeling that I hadn't experienced in months - I knew it worked! It grew, was betad and posted in a matter of an evening. I've always had the, probably undisciplined, attitude to writing that if I'm still struggling to connect after a page, I usually know it's not going to work and leave it. I think I've only ever posted one thing I genuinely didn't like. And yet, that was what I had been trying to do... force something.

I think my muses are trying to tell me - gently but firmly -- to put the story (currently referred to as the 'Evil Glorfindel Fic' on account of the trouble it's given me) aside for a while, till I can hear its true voice, and meanwhile just write whatever calls me. I've never left a story unfinished before and it feels strange, but working on the swap fic makes it clear that something is not right there. It's perhaps better to let it sit for a while until I can go back and do justice to the long, involved story it will eventually grow into.

So - to take this full circle. The swap fic is growing. It's currently at 4 120 words and is half way, but there will be a lot of editing so it's probably going to end up around my usual 5 000 word average - I assume. I have no idea who the pairing really is, I have no idea how it's all going to end up, but I am grabbing every available moment to keep adding to it, even if it's only five or six hundred words at a time. My hobby has stopped being a chore and has become a pleasure again.

Whoever requested this - thank you. It's been good for me, and I hope it turns out to be something you'll enjoy :)