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keilissAuthor - Keiliss
Rating - R
Pairing - Erestor / Glorfindel
Disclaimer - not mine, I just borrowed them.
Beta - Red Lasbelin
Warnings – slash, angst, light sex, POV
Summary - Erestor
Dedicated to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
red_lasbelin – generous, talented, totally insane, and my friend – love you, dear
AN – I wrote Like A Shadow straight after I finished betaing This Shadow for Red. It was completely unplanned, but Red's wonderful use of words to paint Glorfindel's pain made a huge impact on me. I guess Erestor's POV just grew out of my natural curiosity as to his motives. This is in no way a sequel - a ‘what happened next’. That will never be written. It is a companion, a mirror image of the same night, seen through Erestor's eyes -- Keiliss
Like A Shadow
(Erestor’s POV)
You stand apart, my golden lord, having no share in the banter and wit of those around you. Your clear, blue eyes are far-seeing, you move with deliberation, your words are quietly spoken, considered. Your thoughts follow deep pathways before you give them utterance. Even at this, some shadow rests upon you from your sojourn in the Halls of Mandos.
Noble son of a vanished line, you were born too high, too far above me. You stand equal to the greatest amongst us here upon this fading shore. No concourse passes between us during daylight hours, save for that required by our station and responsibility. There is no sharing of casual conversation, no cup of wine, or ready laugh.
We traverse our days, you on your path, I on my own, speaking with quiet courtesy when chance or the requirements of our Lord dictates those paths should cross. The look you turn upon me then is cool, polite, saying nothing, hinting less. Your glance does not admit to a link: a tie, a bond of darkness and heat. In daylight ever so do we walk and talk, thinking our own separate dark thoughts of the night.
Night brings my footsteps ever and anon to your door, walking soft, seeking shadow and hiding from my very self. A longing, a hunger, a despair larger than self draws me here time and again, to gift myself to your need - to your requirement. Soundlessly in the silent room do I shed my clothing, darkness against blackness. Naked I stand in the cool night air with my only cloak and shield - my weighted fall of ebony hair.
I enter your bed, because I can do no other, spread my hair upon your pillow, my limbs upon your sheets, and give myself over to your hands, your mouth, the weight of your warm breath. No words pass between us, for what words would my golden lord have for such as I, a no one, with ancestry unremarkable, achievements respectable without scaling heights or plumbing depths. I am here to service your need, to spread myself open for your ease, to be a receptacle for your desire. I ask no more; it is enough that I should be allowed to make an offering of myself at this shrine that is your body.
Your hands explore me, finding secret places of pleasure, exceptional centers of lust. I submit myself to your touch, giving to you all that I dare, twisting and moving under clever fingers as they stroke and press. Your fingertips roughly brush my sensitive nipples and I toss my head, a reflex beyond my control to prevent. At once I sense my error, feel it in the pause of your hands’ journey, the stillness in the air between us. I have infringed upon the mystery, the silence that holds us every night and releases you from the obligation to acknowledge my gift to your hands, mouth and shaft.
Silent as the night around us I make to you my offering of apology, the phial of oil, to ease your way to release, and it is silently accepted. There is motion of hands and stopper, then your touch upon me, fingers gliding within my cleft, seeking the secret hidden place open to you alone. Fingers slide within, filling me, stretching me, preparing me for your use. I push back against your steady hand, feeling you sink deeper, feeling my pleasure build, my neglected engorgement swelling, throbbing in need with anticipation.
Easily you breach me, no tenderness tonight as you enter me, filling me. I wrap my legs around your waist, my body taking its cues from your breathing, the movement of your hips. I lie on my back in the dark, my midnight hair pooled around me, invisible in the night. My arms are flung wide, my hands grip sheets, grasping and twisting. You increase the pace almost at once, thrusting deep and hard, striking the center of all my desire, sending white heat through me at every stroke.
Your breathing is harsh, your need is very great. Even in darkness your hair glints gold, it falls around me, always in motion, washing over me like waves of cool water in counterpoint to the heat within me - the heat that finally takes me beyond all awareness of self.
At last your hand surrounds me, clasping, pumping, bringing my release. I give a gasp beyond breath, as the world stops and all I know is your hardness within me, your cool hair without. Then I clench and spill, my seed soiling your hand as my contractions of bliss bring you to your final completion. Deep, ever deeper within me you thrust in those last moments, as I lie, still impaled, gasping for breath and my legs about your waist.
Then it is over, and we lie, touching and entangled, black hair mingled for a little time, a very little time, with gold. And then I withdraw from you - soundlessly and wordlessly - careful not to burden you with my voice. Never, ever have I heard a word of thanks or pleasure or satisfaction from your softly curved lips, but love is a bitter edged sword. It is enough that I should be able to ease your aloneness in such manner, offer my body as a salve. Since the night of desire and despair when first I gave myself to you, silent to your silence, straddling you unasked as you lay between sleep and waking, riding you silently to release and relief, I have known to expect nothing more.
Silently, as in all else, I rise from your bed, the one place where I am truly alive, and dress and leave quickly before you see my tears, swiftly before I weaken and fall to my knees and beg you just once - just this once - to hold me, to pretend to love me, to give me an illusion of what it would be to have your regard, your fondness, your heart
But you, reborn and glorious, are of the House of the Golden Flower of Gondolin and I was born, a child of this hither shore, the son of a scribe in the household of a fallen King. I will never be worthy of you. I wrap my love for you around me, like a shadow, and let myself out into the night.
END
NOTE from RED LASBELIN- When I wrote This Shadow, I had never intended to write Erestor's side, hence leaving a lot of questions, but Kei was inspired and wrote what I think is the perfect companion to my fic. This answers lots of the questions that would never have been addressed and it is a very good explanation for what happened. I really like this. I'm honored for lack of a better word that it is connected to my own -- Red
lj – This Shadow – http://www.livejournal.com/users/red_lasbelin/19769.html
Rating - R
Pairing - Erestor / Glorfindel
Disclaimer - not mine, I just borrowed them.
Beta - Red Lasbelin
Warnings – slash, angst, light sex, POV
Summary - Erestor
Dedicated to
red_lasbelin – generous, talented, totally insane, and my friend – love you, dear AN – I wrote Like A Shadow straight after I finished betaing This Shadow for Red. It was completely unplanned, but Red's wonderful use of words to paint Glorfindel's pain made a huge impact on me. I guess Erestor's POV just grew out of my natural curiosity as to his motives. This is in no way a sequel - a ‘what happened next’. That will never be written. It is a companion, a mirror image of the same night, seen through Erestor's eyes -- Keiliss
You stand apart, my golden lord, having no share in the banter and wit of those around you. Your clear, blue eyes are far-seeing, you move with deliberation, your words are quietly spoken, considered. Your thoughts follow deep pathways before you give them utterance. Even at this, some shadow rests upon you from your sojourn in the Halls of Mandos.
Noble son of a vanished line, you were born too high, too far above me. You stand equal to the greatest amongst us here upon this fading shore. No concourse passes between us during daylight hours, save for that required by our station and responsibility. There is no sharing of casual conversation, no cup of wine, or ready laugh.
We traverse our days, you on your path, I on my own, speaking with quiet courtesy when chance or the requirements of our Lord dictates those paths should cross. The look you turn upon me then is cool, polite, saying nothing, hinting less. Your glance does not admit to a link: a tie, a bond of darkness and heat. In daylight ever so do we walk and talk, thinking our own separate dark thoughts of the night.
Night brings my footsteps ever and anon to your door, walking soft, seeking shadow and hiding from my very self. A longing, a hunger, a despair larger than self draws me here time and again, to gift myself to your need - to your requirement. Soundlessly in the silent room do I shed my clothing, darkness against blackness. Naked I stand in the cool night air with my only cloak and shield - my weighted fall of ebony hair.
I enter your bed, because I can do no other, spread my hair upon your pillow, my limbs upon your sheets, and give myself over to your hands, your mouth, the weight of your warm breath. No words pass between us, for what words would my golden lord have for such as I, a no one, with ancestry unremarkable, achievements respectable without scaling heights or plumbing depths. I am here to service your need, to spread myself open for your ease, to be a receptacle for your desire. I ask no more; it is enough that I should be allowed to make an offering of myself at this shrine that is your body.
Your hands explore me, finding secret places of pleasure, exceptional centers of lust. I submit myself to your touch, giving to you all that I dare, twisting and moving under clever fingers as they stroke and press. Your fingertips roughly brush my sensitive nipples and I toss my head, a reflex beyond my control to prevent. At once I sense my error, feel it in the pause of your hands’ journey, the stillness in the air between us. I have infringed upon the mystery, the silence that holds us every night and releases you from the obligation to acknowledge my gift to your hands, mouth and shaft.
Silent as the night around us I make to you my offering of apology, the phial of oil, to ease your way to release, and it is silently accepted. There is motion of hands and stopper, then your touch upon me, fingers gliding within my cleft, seeking the secret hidden place open to you alone. Fingers slide within, filling me, stretching me, preparing me for your use. I push back against your steady hand, feeling you sink deeper, feeling my pleasure build, my neglected engorgement swelling, throbbing in need with anticipation.
Easily you breach me, no tenderness tonight as you enter me, filling me. I wrap my legs around your waist, my body taking its cues from your breathing, the movement of your hips. I lie on my back in the dark, my midnight hair pooled around me, invisible in the night. My arms are flung wide, my hands grip sheets, grasping and twisting. You increase the pace almost at once, thrusting deep and hard, striking the center of all my desire, sending white heat through me at every stroke.
Your breathing is harsh, your need is very great. Even in darkness your hair glints gold, it falls around me, always in motion, washing over me like waves of cool water in counterpoint to the heat within me - the heat that finally takes me beyond all awareness of self.
At last your hand surrounds me, clasping, pumping, bringing my release. I give a gasp beyond breath, as the world stops and all I know is your hardness within me, your cool hair without. Then I clench and spill, my seed soiling your hand as my contractions of bliss bring you to your final completion. Deep, ever deeper within me you thrust in those last moments, as I lie, still impaled, gasping for breath and my legs about your waist.
Then it is over, and we lie, touching and entangled, black hair mingled for a little time, a very little time, with gold. And then I withdraw from you - soundlessly and wordlessly - careful not to burden you with my voice. Never, ever have I heard a word of thanks or pleasure or satisfaction from your softly curved lips, but love is a bitter edged sword. It is enough that I should be able to ease your aloneness in such manner, offer my body as a salve. Since the night of desire and despair when first I gave myself to you, silent to your silence, straddling you unasked as you lay between sleep and waking, riding you silently to release and relief, I have known to expect nothing more.
Silently, as in all else, I rise from your bed, the one place where I am truly alive, and dress and leave quickly before you see my tears, swiftly before I weaken and fall to my knees and beg you just once - just this once - to hold me, to pretend to love me, to give me an illusion of what it would be to have your regard, your fondness, your heart
But you, reborn and glorious, are of the House of the Golden Flower of Gondolin and I was born, a child of this hither shore, the son of a scribe in the household of a fallen King. I will never be worthy of you. I wrap my love for you around me, like a shadow, and let myself out into the night.
NOTE from RED LASBELIN- When I wrote This Shadow, I had never intended to write Erestor's side, hence leaving a lot of questions, but Kei was inspired and wrote what I think is the perfect companion to my fic. This answers lots of the questions that would never have been addressed and it is a very good explanation for what happened. I really like this. I'm honored for lack of a better word that it is connected to my own -- Red
lj – This Shadow – http://www.livejournal.com/users/red_lasbelin/19769.html
no subject
Date: 2005-04-03 20:19 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 18:18 (UTC)I doubt anyone other than Red could have inspired me to write this, my very first Erestor/Glorfindel (yes, it really is!) I think we each have written something we can take pride in but I also think that when you put the two pieces together you get something unique.
I'm glad you enjoyed it - ^hugs* - Kei
no subject
Date: 2005-04-03 20:28 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 18:39 (UTC)What went wrong here was a very MALE lack of communication! The whole time I was writing I kept wanting to stop, tap Erestor on the shoulder and say "excuse me - TALK TO HIM"
Having said that, the story is as it is, and, as in RL, there are times when there is no happy ending, and I'm afraid this is going to be one of them.
*hugs* - Keiliss
no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 00:12 (UTC)The two sides of this story deal with something that almost always gets me to rant. Lol. I cannot stand cowardise and is this anything else? We have a saying "Brave people die only once, cowards time and again" or something like that. And that's exactly what happens here. Both elves dying a little more each night because both are too afraid to reach out and talk. But is not being rejected once better than going through it for eternity? Anyhoo, lovely companion to Red's story. and I agree with the previous poster that someone should write the third part of this...
Riina
no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 20:12 (UTC)As to writing a third part - well, as so many people asked for one we discussed it, and neither of us feels comfortable about it. Red has felt strongly about this from the beginning, and I have to agree that the balance we created doesn't really leave room a 'what happened next' much as I find myself wondering how long that could have gone on before some one finally did something - anything.....
By the way, I still can't work out who annoys me more - Erestor with his low self esteem or Glory with his blind acceptance. I know that I wanted to shake both of them! And you're quite right - whatever their reasons, the root cause of the problem was the fear that prevented them from attempting even the most basic communication.
Once again, thank you for reading :) - Keiliss
no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 06:05 (UTC)I agree with sbyte that you two compliment each other's writing beautifully. Well done!!
no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 19:13 (UTC)I'm glad you decided to read it and that you enjoyed it. You're right, it does show Red's picture of Erestor in a new light doesn't it? I kept trying to understand him while I was beta'ing This Shadow and when I sat down to write the answer was obvious. I must admit I was relieved to find he wasn't a bastard after all - just really, really insecure!
*hugs* - Kei
no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 09:09 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-04 20:38 (UTC)You have followed both my and Red's thinking on why there shouldn't be a third part to this story. We really think, all other problems aside, that it would be sort of flat. And everything has been said, there isn't really anything to add to it.
As to how it all started, and how it might all end - we each have our own little back story of course, but I guess we'll never really know.
*hugs* - Kei
no subject
Date: 2005-04-11 22:13 (UTC)"Your thoughts follow deep pathways before you give them utterance."
"the weight of your warm breath"
" it falls around me, always in motion, washing over me like waves of cool water in counterpoint to the heat within me - the heat that finally takes me beyond all awareness of self." [love beyond all awareness of self - except for that moment, Erestor is too aware of himself.]
Liked the characterization of Glorfindel from Erestor's pov also.
I then went and read Red's piece and I agree, these are stronger both together with the two povs (as someone said above, amazing how two individuals can misunderstand the same actions - it happens all the time).
I will say that I want to smack them both upside the head.
I realize that you guys don't feel this could go further, but this is the middle of the story and actually I think it would be fascinating to see how this began, how these two characters could so misread each other and yet be so intimate every night. Also at some point, something has to give and THAT scene could be very interesting - no matter where it ends up. But I well understand if you wish to let it remain as is. Anyway, I quite enjoyed this.
Hugs,
~elfscribe
no subject
Date: 2005-04-13 15:20 (UTC)Thank you, it means a lot to me that you thought well of this. I'm so glad you also read This Shadow, because Erestor's pov can't stand alone - as you found, the two pieces together create something which is more than either of the individual halves.
I am also curious as to how something like this could have happened and how it would end. However, besides curiosity, we haven't been able to find any other reason strong enough to convince us to take it further. Certainly I'm not sure I want to trace Glorfindel's potentially suicidal depression through to its logical conclusion.
And yes - also wanted to slap the two of them upside the head!
*hugs* - Kei
no subject
Date: 2005-04-12 20:16 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-13 15:34 (UTC)*hugs* - Kei