the journey

How can it almost be the weekend again?

I meant to post regularly but I ran out of things to say. I haven't been dealing well the last few days plus my friend the major UTI has returned --- perhaps that's why. Phoned the doctor finally and he's emailed me a script. Maybe my mood will be better once the meds kick in. Right now it feels like this low grade anxiety will be life forever ... we're due to peak only in August which seems forever away.

Cyril is moving us from level 5 lockdown up to level 4 (or is it down? I can't decide). Level 4 resembles most other people's full lockdown. (We always have to get extreme over here). From May 1 - Workers Day, yet - we will be allowed to exercise in the wide world beyond our own yards. And buy cigarettes (I have a friend this is very important to). Still no alcohol - home brewing and black market continues. A few industries can go back to work with reduced workforce but we only get the details tomorrow. One day (in the faaaar distant future) I will be able to have my laptop repaired. It's usable but there is an annoying Thing that has to be seen to.

I don't know how much life will ease here in the Cape, we're the country's epicentre and our premier has already said if figures keep going up he has the authority to return us to level 5 --- which is unfair of course, the reason our numbers are higher is because of ramped up testing and we're way more efficient at following up contacts due to our TB program.

...and then I wrote more and it got whiny and boring so I deleted it. Ray has 'underlying health issues' so I need to stop fighting it and accept the confinement will last longer for us. Heck, we have food, a small but cosy flat and I have a nice sunshine yellow mask. Compared to millions of other South Africans, we are truly blessed. But I miss my family and I miss knowing I can walk on the beach.

( grandbabies again )

And also Manny's Fish & Chips!

Think I need to keep doing these so later I can look back and see it was real, not just a terrible nightmare.

The days are starting to run into each other. Neither of us has left the flat for days, not since Ray went to buy bread, milk and try and find the zinc supplement we used to take before all health products with any claim to boosting the immune system vanished off the shelves. Otherwise we don't seem to have shortages, unless you want hand sanitiser and aren't prepared to be at the supermarket when the doors open (which may or may not work).

Woman downstairs stood out on the path and yelled up at Ray for hammering and sawing and Making a Noise. Serious lack of class there, no coming up the stairs and knocking on the door for her. He wasn't even making much noise, unlike a few days ago. At least he's found something to keep him busy. She's probably run out of cigarettes. God, let me never be that person!

Have baked my own bread (nice milk loaf), cooked the hottest peri peri chicken livers I've ever eaten (and paid for it afterwards), and chatted a lot on the phone. Had a video call with the family - Shiloh's hair is almost down to her waist now and Gia climbs on everything and has fallen in love with wearing Shoes! - which left me a little depressed. Michelle started isolating them before we officially locked down, so I haven't seen her or them in weeks.

Covid-19 figures rise here but slowly. The health minister is concerned because we're not fitting the projections but says not to be fooled, we are in the calm before the storm. They are starting widespread testing now they've had a chance to get set up, so we shall see how things look after a few days of that - they're sending out mobile units now, rather than waiting for sick people to come to them.

I don't know if we'll only have three weeks of this, I can see the president adding a few more if the numbers take off. And then I'm not sure how some people will eat. Too many very poor, dependent on unskilled work, of which there is none right now. He looked very tired when he spoke to us on Monday -- he's doing a great job with limited resources and potentially a tsunami bearing down on him. He's proved an unexpectedly good war leader this far - I'd forgotten how it felt to respect a politician. (experience of the past ten years means I had to touch wood when I wrote that).

Thing I have had underlined for me this past week: we need to be kind to one another and kind to ourselves and accept the sometimes odd ways people have of coping. Even family members. Especially family members.

The country goes on lockdown Thursday midnight. I somehow thought it was Wednesday midnight but Cyril is giving us time to sort ourselves out (also gives all sorts of people time to get together and complain, but we do that so much it should just be background noise). Heard military helicopters coming in mid evening, still not sure which base they were heading to for them to pass over this part of town. Cannot believe we've got from 0 to here in just two weeks - it doesn't feel real.

Now we're here I want to get on with it. We're on 402 official cases, it's gone up slowly since the first (I think that was March 9) but suddenly took a 100+ leap yesterday. No deaths yet. Poor Zimbabwe, only two cases and the second person just passed - he was young too, and quite well known there. I wish them well, they're far worse placed to handle large numbers than we are and lord knows it won't take much to drown us.

No idea how the millions who are informal traders or semi-skilled, hourly paid workers are going to get through this - there will be more information tomorrow. It's not a country where many people are in a position to work from home, in fact that is such a small percentage that the president didn't waste time talking about it. Those who can, either already are or are getting ready to. He did say people's lives are more important than the economy, which I really respected, but I hope that means processes are being put in place to help them get through an unplanned unpaid holiday.

Will not see my daughter or the grandbabies for a month or more now, makes me feel sort of empty because that's been an every week thing since they were born. Otherwise my concerns right now are simple - do I go buy extra coffee and cheese tomorrow at 07.30 (well actually today) or leave it till later and hope for the best. I know the supermarkets say they're going to limit quantities and such but ehh. Ray says the crowds will already be there before sunrise so we'll wait, I guess.

We will survive. It's what we do best.