drabble x 1

[keiliss]

This double drabble is for lethe_lloyd who asked for

Annatar and Celebrimbor

. Posted before it escapes and becomes a fic.

The Departure

Whether he was Vanya adventurer or novelty-seeking Maia, no one knew. Annatar’s past remained a mystery, his unsettling presence in Eregion punctuated by sudden journeys to destinations unknown. Again he approached Celebrimbor on silent feet, scarlet-clad, every motion imbued with the grace and promise of an Eastern concubine.

“I must leave you for a time, my friend. Other – concerns – require my presence.” Low, thrilling, a voice that implied illicit lusts in the most prosaic of observations.

Each time this happened, the smith knew a sharp tightness in his gut. Previously when faced with the impending absence of the Giver of Gifts, Annatar of the sharp wit and towering intellect, of twilight eyes, sinful mouth and sleek, sinuous form, Celebrimbor’s fear had been that he might not come back.

That had been before whispered consultations concerning hidden knowledge. That had been before veiled hints at power beyond comprehension, of rewards for exploring gifts unlooked for. That had been before the suspicion of close watch by those he had once trusted without question. That had been before the ring craft.

Now his fear was not how long Annatar would be gone, but rather that he would indeed keep his word and return.

Comments

[lethe-lloyd.livejournal.com]

Woohoo - this is so - sultry - and so epic, it feels like it has come from a much longer story!
That's superb, thank you so much

Annatar of the sharp wit and towering intellect, of twilight eyes, sinful mouth and sleek, sinuous form, Celebrimbor’s

Magnificent!

[minuial_nuwing]

Oooooo...this is eerie in that dark, sensual way of really good vampire stories. You make Annatar both seductive and terrifying.

Gorgeous, Kei!

**hugs**

[chaotic-binky.livejournal.com]

You have such a way with words - the last line sent chills through me.

Hugs Binky xxxx

[silver-trails.livejournal.com]

Oh... I like this! Annatar looks sensual and dangerous at the same time.

[heartofoshun.livejournal.com]

Be afraid, Celebrimbor, be very afraid. So sad that is too late.

[erfan-starled.livejournal.com]

Annatar comes over with enjoyable, strongly offered pictures *likes – um, relishes*

I think that you achieved the thing you said, about a pointed story, not an edited scene cut to size?

Favourite bits – first phrase, last two paras. Effective to open and close so strongly.

I do have a bit of concrit - before the suspicion of close watch - I reread this sentence a few times and find it hard to match the words to the right people or the right other words. Um, for example, does someone suspect they are closely watched? From the context, I think that Celebrimbor is watching people so they don’t betray secrets. Or – he worries he is watched? It remains unclear to me.

Thank you for this piece ‘cos I really liked seeing how description can be done strongly without feeling overdone.

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

*is smiling* I’m thrilled that you liked it, specially the description – never tried to get so much across about someone in so few words before *g*. Thank you, love.

I think there is a longer story hiding in some dark corner of my mind – might have to write it eventually. Thank you again for the prompt.

*hugs*

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

Made my day with that :) Thank you so much, Min dear. That’s

exactly

what I was trying for.

Glad you enjoyed. *hugs*

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

Hey, Binky :) Thank you, dear. Last line's the bit I fussed with least, and there's probably a lesson in that, lol. Glad you liked it.

*hugs*

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

Ohh, that’s exactly what I was trying to achieve. Thanks so much, CC. I’m really happy you liked it. I’m back to 200 words, though - lol.

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

Love that icon *g*.

A little less greed for knowledge would have been a very good thing for Celebrimbor, yes :D

Thanks, Oshun *hugs*.

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

Hey :) I’ve not posted Annatar before, so I felt a need to fill him out. I’m glad it didn’t seem overdone (which had been a concern) and that you liked this.

Also, thanks for the concrit! Lesson: adjusting a drabble without a general rewrite is work. Bit like a house of cards, pull out three words, the whole thing comes fluttering down.

I was trying to imply that Celebrimbor, who is keeping some of his work secret from Annatar, fears his guest has subverted a few of his own people to spy on him. I thought ‘

by

’ made the intent of the sentence clear, but how about… *

That had been before his sense of being spied upon by those he once trusted without question.

*? (Original words were ‘covert surveillance’ which were totally wrong.)

[heartofoshun.livejournal.com]

That’s Peter Jackson’s Annatar, of course, which ending up on the cutting room floor. But I am always perversely pleased to have an opportunity to use it. I do like your description much better.

[heartofoshun.livejournal.com]

I understood it.

[silver-trails.livejournal.com]

Oh but 200 words are good too! (g)

[lethe-lloyd.livejournal.com]

I love long stories, but when I see everything drawn in miniature, like that artist in Elizabethan times who did tiny portraits and yet got everything in, I'm awed.

A sexy Sauron has definitely been growing on me lately, due to Pandemonium and Pink Siamese, and your Annatar sounded so exotic!

[erfan-starled.livejournal.com]

Clearer (to me) but not nearly as pleasing as your first. It's not quite a match for the rest in elegance?

Um - how about using the noun from 'spied upon' and keeping your original 'suspicion' and using the 'his' from 'his sense' for a possibility to consider? [*before his suspicion (?verb) of spies among those*]

*sits on hands*]

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

'suspicion of spies among those he had once trusted' is too vague for me. And no, I don't like my alternative either - the style doesn't fit even if the numbers stay true :D

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) I was wondering if I just

thought

it was clear, lol.

[red-lasbelin.livejournal.com]

This was chilling and yet - quite sensuously warm too. I'm sure that's Annatar's influence. Mobster's girlfriend :D. No, I can't tell that you are sort of itching to write him. No.

Incredible drabble dear.

[elfscribe5.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, this is my image of Annatar too - seductive and frightening. The ultimate betrayal to befriend Celebrimbor, learn all his craft. I saw a chilling drabble in the MEFAs about them. Now of course I forget the author.
I love this.

[pandemonium-213.livejournal.com]

I'll be vain enough to assume that said drabble might be mine. If so, it's good to know that the little piece was memorable even if my moniker is not. ;^)

Keiliss -- please allow me to offer a "Well done, lad, er, lass!" Your trademark sensual lyricism comes through beautifully. And this:

"Annatar of the sharp wit and towering intellect,"

Thank you, thank you, thank you for not making Annatar a dumbed-down sybarite.

[elfscribe5.livejournal.com]

Hi there pandemonium. My apologies. Normally I would have looked up the name. It was an awesome piece. And yes, memorable.

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

Who me? Whatever gives you that idea?

Heh!

Thanks - 'chilling but warm' is good.

I need an appropriate icon *hints*.

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

Fascinating, brilliant, chilling, shrouded in secrets... he's growing on me, lol. I'm glad you liked it, dear. I enjoyed playing with this.

Pandemonium's fiction is quite simply amazing - she has work archived on SWG if you want to read further.

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

No, no dumbing-down. Evil should be bright-edged and stomach-twisting, a hint at maggots just below the perfect exterior. Or as close to that as I can learn to write it.

Thank you so much for commenting, I'm flattered you read this :)

[pandemonium-213.livejournal.com]

Thanks, elfscribe! I'm not above fishing for compliments. Ask oshun. ;^)

[pandemonium-213.livejournal.com]

Evil should be bright-edged and stomach-twisting, a hint at maggots just below the perfect exterior.

Use that as your mission statement, and you'll have no problems writing it!

I'm too much the post-modern moral relativist to believe in Evil™. Hence my Miltonian spin: scratch a dark lord and find a prideful fallen angel and all that jazz. That said, your vision of "bright-edged and stomach-twisting" has me squirming with delight! :^D Can't wait to read more!

I stumbled across this since oshun had mentioned a story set on the plains of Gorgoroth during the siege of the Last Alliance involving Gil-galad and Glorfindel (heh) and thought that you might be the author so I scurried over to "Braided Light" to see if I could find it. However, I became immersed in "A Little More Conversation" which I love -- the logistics of making Imladris habitable really captured my attention. You rendered the voices of Glorfindel and Erestor so well -- their distinctive personalities shine through in that correspondence. I am really taken with the fact that Erestor is something vaguely akin to an elvish farm boy. :^D

Then I thought I'd drop by here to see what was up, and yet another treat...

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

*deletes two page essay on the nature of evil* I think in the end I redefined it as 'lacking remorse'... *g*.

Thanks so much for the unexpected comments on 'Conversations' - you made my day. Erestor as *something vaguely akin to an elvish farm boy* --- oh yes, he is rather, isn't he? Writing about the beginnings of Imladris was meant to be relaxing and fun - which it is, but I never thought to ask myself how much a South African city girl knew about northern hemisphere climate and farming conditions.

Steep

learning curve, lol.

All Our Yesterdays is my only story set during the siege, otherwise I've stayed well clear of Gil-galad's unfortunate 'incident with the spear'. (against a Maia? What was he thinking?)

I'm glad you decided to drop by - thank you :)

[kitty279.livejournal.com]

You managed very well to describe Annatar's impact on Celebrimbor and how it changed when he finally realised what was going on. Interesting look at their relationship in spite of the shortness!

[keiliss.livejournal.com]

It really should be a fic, lol. I want to know what happened to bring Celebrimbor to the point where he knows something is very wrong about his guest. And I want a closer look at what might be motivating Annatar (besides a quite natural wish for world domination, of course :|) Thanks so much for commenting - I'm glad you liked it and that you found this small glimpse into their world interesting.